It’s time to bring this pondering process to a close. I had two more items to address: things I focused on and things I forgot but I believe I covered those in my other posts so no point being redundant. Now for what I always call the “so what”. How does all this reflection inform my plans for 2015?
I generally don’t make new year resolutions but I do create plans in my head of what I would like to focus on for the year. I have lots of ideas floating around but the top priority continues to be my health. I am vastly improved from where I was in January of 2014. That progress is precious to me and I need to hold on to it. I have to vigilantly watch for the danger of falling into the same merry-go-round lifestyle that got me into trouble. My energy level is not as great as I expected it to be after all the changes I made, so I will continue to work on that. I am in the middle of a neuro-stimulation research study right now so I cannot make any major lifestyle changes until that is over. The treatments have made a significant difference in my sleep and I hope that the improvement is permanent. Once I am free to move forward, I plan to start chiropractic treatment and yoga classes. I will wade into the essential oils craze and will meet with a personal trainer to figure out what I can safely do to build strength.
I don’t know what the future holds for me professionally. Under normal circumstances, I would have a plan for advancement in full force by now but I currently do not have one and am only mildly concerned with that fact. I know that God has gifted me with leadership skills but I am determined to be much more discerning about what opportunities I take. I have been thoroughly enjoying using my gifts behind the scenes. It’s a lot of fun :) I believe I have grown into my own when it comes to this issue. In the past, I waited for leadership to be foisted upon me. I finally accept that I truly do have strength in this area and am confident I can rise to the occasion should I need to. It’s a gift from God, honed over the years by a long line of amazing mentors. I am blessed. I feel secure enough to actually pursue something if I really wanted it, rather that waiting for it to come to me. However, I am in no hurry. I believe with every ounce of my being that leadership = sacrifice. Leadership, as I believe God designed it, is about sacrificing oneself for the good of the cause and one’s followers. I’m not sure if the timing is right for that just yet. Whatever the case, I don’t feel pressured to chase anything but have an open heart to consider what may come my way, especially if I get to stay with my beloveds. It’s not very professionally savvy but right now, staying with the ones I love matters more to me than position.
I want to take full advantage of what may be my last time teaching in Greece. I am currently racking my brain trying to figure out how to stay longer in Europe. I have family in England that I might go and stay with. Whatever I do, I want to be present in every moment over there, to truly enjoy the experience to its fullest.
I will likely return to counseling near the end of this year. By then, the relational situation I’m facing should have settled into something or another that I will need to process. I know I will need all the help I can get to move forward with openness and faith.
Facing the IRS and Sallie Mae remain on the dreaded list. I feel disingenuous claiming any commitment to tackling them but at the same time, I don’t have a choice. We shall see. I have a few projects to complete at work and then I will turn my attention to writing. Seriously. I’m talking, go-into-hiding-if-I-have-to, serious.
I have decisions to make about how involved I want to get with the CF community. I believe I have something to say but I just don’t know if emotionally, I have it to give. I am presenting at the CAPS conference in April on helping families with adolescents who have a chronic illness. I will see how that experience goes for me. Overall, I want to continue paying close attention to who God created me to be, learning about my history and letting all of that inform an authentic life. When all is said and done, I want to be true to myself because in so doing, I am most effectively living out my purpose. There are moments I miss her so deeply and simply want to discard this world but most days, I am willing to be used by Him. Willing to look forward to what He has in store. I have less patience for a whole lot of things which makes me surprisingly ornery sometimes and there are elements of my life filled with excruciatingly chronic longing but I am the most content on many levels I’ve ever been. I’ll take it.
What are your hopes and dreams for this year? Share in the comment section!